6 weeks, 4 days

My first ultrasound is tomorrow. I'm so eager and nervous for it, my belly is full of butterflies that won't calm down. I had a dream about being pregnant last night, and when I woke up, actually being pregnant started to hit me. Before it seemed so unreal, it still does but now it's like "wow, this is really happening!"

It's the first pregnancy appointment ever that Bill won't be able to make. He's really bummed about it. I tried to make light and let him know that we'll basically be seeing a fuzzy dot inside f another dot and it may still be too early to even hear the heartbeat, but it didn't help. He said even so, it's still special to him that it's our first glimpse of our new child and it's a big deal. As sad as he is, I enjoy that it means a lot to Jim openly. Last pregnancy it was a blur, we didn't know what to expect because it was so surreal that it was happening. Now we look at Katie and say wow, we're going to get another one of those. A real person, a snuggable, lovable, amazing child.

Having a second child is so much fun. There was a certain magic to the first one because everything was new territory, but I think it might even be more thrilling on the repeat trip because it's a concept we can really grasp and understand this time. We're not just going through the motions while thinking "maybe it's a puppy!" or doing everything while not fully comprehending that your own child will actually result in this and be yours to care for forever.

Knowing this, knowing how important it is and how much there is to lose, makes it scarier as well. Instead of an intangible object, you know exactly what you're losing and it's scary to think that way. Maybe that's why I feel more hesitant this pregnancy. I'm seeing every step of the way what this little baby the size of a pea will grow into one day, and I can't wait.

My boobs are already growing. Holy cow did they inflate fast! With still breastfeeding, I thought I stood a chance but I'm already popping out of my bras. My milk supply has increased as well. Apparently my whole body is going haywire and just cranking up the production of everything!

Feeling sick but nothing terrible yet. Nothing like last time. I can't sleep this time though, I toss and turn most of the night. As previously stated, my boobs are bigger. Im bloated but not badly yet. Not too much yet to report. It's now been one week since we broke the news to the other half of the family and our friends, but it feels like its been so much longer.

Six Weeks Pregnant!

I'm six weeks today!

So far, this pregnancy is going much smoother. By 3 weeks, 6 days, I was throwing up with Katie and barely able to make it through any part of a grocery store, but especially not the meat section! This time I do occasionally feel really sick, but I'm okay more often than not, and yesterday I was able to pick out chicken and pork chops without feeling ill at all!

The worst symptom so far is the extreme tiredness. I'm always tired! Luckily Katie has been taking 2-3 hour naps lately, which helps a lot. I know I was tired last time, but last time I'd just sleep whenever! This time I have to chase after Katie all day, so it's harder. Being winter and dark early at 4 PM, it already felt like the days were very long, but especially so now! Since Bill is starting his second job for a few months tomorrow, we're changing up our schedule. We previously were on a second shift schedule - stay up late with family time, wake up late. Now we'll be waking early and going to bed early, so it'll be a huge difference for all of us.

I'm excited for my ultrasound this week, and so glad my doctor was willing to give me one. I'll feel much more at peace once I get to see my baby. It's bittersweet, as Bill went to every single doctor appointment last time, but this time will be difficult with juggling jobs. Hopefully it'll only be in the beginning though, and he'll make it to all the important ones.

It's hard not knowing who this new little one is. Our names are all set, and we'll announce them once first trimester is over. I can't wait to know who it is we'll be having! While I'd love a sister for Katie, I've found some amazing boy stuff to get as well. Making a baby list is really fun, it's gotten me distracted from continuing to buy more Christmas stuff! A girl would be really cheap, I'd only need to buy her a few things (I'd love to buy her some purple colored things, as that'll be her color - Katie's is pink) but a boy I'll have to do lots of shopping for!

Once Christmas is over and the new year begins, I'll start buying things for the nursery. Last time I had all of the nursery furniture bought by January! This time, I'll be redecorating in Mickey and Minnie for the nursery. We'll use the same crib for the baby, though I'd like to get a new dresser as either Katie will need one or the new baby. I'm fully stocked with changing tables though - I have three! Definitely won't need to worry about that, as I have them on every level. My grandfather still teases me about how many I managed to collect!

It's still hard to let it sink in that this is happening again. After so long, it's hard to imagine it actually happening. It still feels like I'm just pretending I'm pregnant or something, it hasn't really hit me yet that there's another baby growing inside again, even though I already talk to them. I think the ultrasound, even though I'll only be able to see a dot in another dot, will help to drive the idea home.

My week by week pictures (I know it's silly to take them right now with only bloat, but I enjoyed watching the process before, so I'm just going to do the whole pregnancy again!)

NTNP cycle results ((finally good news!!))

NTNP cycle #2 was crazy. I barely tracked, had no idea when I O'ed, BD'd much less than usual. The results? A BFP!

Finally, after trying all year, I'm pregnant! Baby #2 is on the way! We'll be announcing it to family on Thanksgiving, which will be a lot of fun! Bill can't wait to announce. He asked me permission to tell the guys at work, and even tried coming up with fun ways to say it to his family. He showed more excitement this time, as last time we didn't really know what we were getting into. This time, we can look at Katie and say "wow, we're going to make another amazing, wonderful child like her"

We have our names picked out and confirmed once again as well, so even that is all ready to go. I'm excited - I've prayed for this baby by name for many months. I continued to pray for God to bless us again in His time, and when our baby was ready to come to us. They have now, and it's unbelievable. I think it's more shocking this time, after so long ttc, than it was the first time! This time it means something. This time we understand, we know what we're getting and it's amazing!

Cy 9, cd 28

AF is due today and I have all the symptoms for it. Seems like maybe it'll be on time for once. This was my last month of actually crossing my fingers and hoping, so I guess I'm done until next year.

Had such a vivid dream last night that I had twin girls. It was lovely - I didnt worry how I was going to take care of them and how difficult it would get, I just spoke of princess theme and their names and how much Katie loved having two little babies in the house. And instead, reality is I can't get pregnant with one baby yet, and I'll be dealing with AF through the rest of the week (I wanted to wear a dress on Saturday - AF is so inconsiderate! )

Cy 9, cd12

Okay, despite what I said last time, I really have no idea what we're doing. Maybe it's just habit by this point, but while I stopped tracking my cycle and ttc, it's a lot like we're still ttc. We're BD'ing every day around the standard O period (currently on day 12). I'm assuming it's not going to lead to much as we're both sick.

My mentality is very much NTNP. Everyone I was buddies with (I kid you not - every freaking last one of them!) are currently pregnant. And it reminds me of what I'll have to go through again, all of the unglamorous parts like being exhausted constantly, always sick, sciatica attacks, constant worry, restrictions, etc. I look at Katie and think of how much I'm going to miss out with her, if I'm just trying to survive through every day. She's going through such transformation right now, she literally shows me every day something new she has learned. (today, for example, she repeated after me and said "holy crap". Oops.)

Of course on the flip side, my hormones yearn for a baby, cry over the lack of baby chunk thighs and immobility that has gone from Katie, and can't believe how much Katie no longer resembles a baby at all. Looking back to when she was just a tiny infant in tiny clothes, of course my heart melts and wants another. But it tears, not wanting to divide my attention and complete adoration for Katie.

The decision is up for grabs, my body will be left with the decision each month. I'm currently in ttc habits, but with a NTNP mindset.

Cy9, CD9, taking another break

I'm now on day 9 of cycle 9. AF got me on the second day of the cruise after being a week late. Was quite depressing!

I'm thinking of taking another break now. I'm going to do the "if it happens, then great - if it doesn't, it will when it's supposed to" approach. Katie is still so little at only 14 months, there's no reason to rush. I don't know how I'll take care of her, the house, the dogs and a pregnancy with Katie being in her difficult stage right now, so I think this is for the best.

I'm thinking the rest of the year I'll NTNP.

Cy8,cd30

Day 30, no AF yet. I'm pretty sure, with my body's sense of humor, it's just waiting to show up so it can go on the cruise with me. With my wacky cycles and the fact that I don't know if I O'ed, I'm not counting myself as late, but not yet due.

I'm having conflicting signs. For three days I had cramps and bloating and felt for sure AF was about to arrive. At the same time, last night my cervix felt open, and my cm has been stretchy and eggwhite. Not sure how the weeks are adding up, if I skipped two weeks and just was dormant, or if this is just leading up to AF.

My fingers are crossed that I'll be able to enjoy the cruise!