CY 8, CD20

On day 20 now. I am either getting my period any day (according to my last cycle) or have a week to go to see if I O'ed this month.

I didn't feel like I did. In fact, if I did, I think it was over the last two days. We didn't get a whole lot of BD'ing done in the last two days, so it wouldn't be ideal but still possible if I did actually ovulate. I haven't seen much CM happening, the only signs were cramping for two days, and today while BD'ing, my ovary was tender and my cervix felt lower.

I don't have any emotions mixed in with this month, so I'm just patiently waiting to see how things go at the end of the cycle. I'm just hoping it doesn't go on forever, as that's the most annoying. I'd rather have a period early than really late (unless, of course, it's a signal for pregnancy!) I'm just curious right now to see how it'll play out with our cruise that's happening in 13 days. I'd love to make more room in the suitcase by taking out the bag of pads!

Cy8, CD17

It's been a bit since I said anything, mainly because I'm not really invested in this month. We're technically trying, but my heart isn't in it and I stopped charting. With my cycles all over the place and still no signs of O at all, it doesn't seem worth it to cross my fingers and hold my breath. It's not looking good for this month either.

Cy8, CD 9

After being down for a while last cycle, I have now moved on.  This next cycle isn't too big of a deal, as if I don't get pregnant, I'll have a better time on vacation. On the other hand, if I do get pregnant, I'd be able to take a pregnancy test on the cruise, which would be fun. So it's a toss up for this cycle.

We started trying yesterday, just in case my cycle is short. Hoping I actually ovulate this time at all! I've managed to get Katie eating more, though it's been difficult with her teeth coming through. One came in last week and three more came in just since yesterday, which makes her want to comfort nurse rather than eat. She even started using her pacifier to chew on, something she hated before but once again found in her box. Anything to make her feel better and not need to chew on my nipples/spike my supply.

My goal this month is daily bd, getting Katie to eat at least three meals a day and only nurse 3-4 times a day, and for her to get herself down for a nap and sleep nursing for no longer than ten minutes. She's doing better at getting herself to sleep without my aid so I'm hopeful but probably giving her too much credit.

Cy 8, CD 2

It's official - cycle #7, my most hopeful so far, has ended. I'm now on day two of cycle number 8, a week early.

Determined cause of my 21 day cycle is Katie comfort nursing. She's getting three teeth in, and went fr nursing 3-4 times a day to nursing every other hour. I think my body geared up for ovulation and then stopped as she suddenly spiked my supply sky high and kept it up.

I also discovered why my breasts are so sore. Luckily, it's not yeast.  Unfortunately, I discovered little chunks of my nipple missing! Katie was hardcore chewing at night, and ended up causing me lots of pain when I woke up. Since discovering this, I've been nursing her for quick comfort until she falls mostly asleep, then unlatching her. She's never happy about this, but it's been givin my nipples a break and time to heal. I'm relieved I don't have to go to the doctors or be treated for yeast (the pills they give are really bad for ttcing) but oww!

I was really down yesterday for a few hours. I went to the attic  away from my FIL who was over cooking and I sat with ice cream in one hand, cramp-smoothing caffeine in the other and I sulked. Once I managed to feel a little less upset, I went to the neighbors where I hung out for a while with Bill and some of their friends. We spent a few hours chatting and I managed to forget about AF's upsetting visit.

The plus side to this, since I feel like I need to look at both sides, is that my first vacation in about eight years will not be full of me puking and too tired to do anything. That's a relief. The other positives is if I get pregnant next cycle, I could test and possibly Celebrate on the cruise. If I don't get pregnant next cycle, I may be able to ttc on the cruise, with some of my favorite wine and a fun, relaxing atmosphere.

Scratch Everything

Updating from earlier: I now can't tell if I'm on day 22 or day 1.

I found light colored mucousy blood about two or three hours ago. My heart sank! Nothing since then, but I feel crampy. I'm only halfway through the tww and it's looking like I'm already out. I don't feel like I'm lucky enough to have only implanting bleeding, and combining this with the bfn from this morning, I'm assuming it's over.

I'm bummed, and I may take a trip to the doctor for the breast soreness.   I'm not sure what else we can do that we didn't this month. We hit every day for two weeks. If nothing caught, I'm not sure how to proceed from here.

Cy7, cd 22

Day 22. Today sucks.

It's day 3 of the terrible whinies from Katie, who is food regressing and wants to nurse all the time suddenly. I got very little sleep last night because it felt like someone had filled my nipples with razor blades and glass shards. I woke up a few times to Katie gnawing on them as well. Oh fun! They hurt so badly.

Because I got so very little sleep, I made a stupid decision and wasted a test. It's 6-7 days too early, but I had heard that if you have strong symptoms (wishful thinking) that sometimes you can test earlier. Well, now I'm down to one test, a digital one that loves to flash the words "not pregnant" at me. I'll be in less of a hurry to try that one.

I guess one good thing about the nipple pain is I don't care what the end of the month brigs as long as my nipples get better! They hurt so badly that if I do get a bfn again, I'll be taking a trip to the doctors.

Cy7, cd21

Day 21...is that it?? Days have been going so slow.

I'm a bit worried about this cycle as lately Katie has been nursing more often and I'm noticing a supply spike. I've been leaking again, I'm fuller, and she wants to nurse all the time. I'm hoping this didn't ruin anything and I still have a cycle, but I'm not sure. She's taken away my cycles multiple times before.

It turns out that I'm not the only one ttc in my household. Katie's dog has been escaping every day to try to get pregnant. We're not really sure how she's escaping the yard as we looked everywhere for holes and found none, so now she's going to be under strict supervision. Just what I needed right now!

Nipples are still extremely sore. I'm finding it hard to nurse Katie, especially since she's a little gymnast who also pulls off roughly. Ow! But with the supply being through the roof and her not wanting to eat much right now, I don't have much choice. Hopefully she enjoys eating solids again really soon.

Cy7, CD20 & Baby Talk

CD 20. 8-10 more days until the moment of truth. It's going by SO SLOWLY.

I'm trying very hard to not symptom spot. Most of the day I can occupy my mind enough to not think about it, but when I'm having problems that also line up with symptoms, it's hard to get that naggy voice out of my head. When I think rationally, I don't think it has anything to do with ttc.

Katie currently has yeast, as I can not get her to stop sweating even with air conditioners on. She sweats like her daddy, poor thing. I've been treating the yeast naturally, but I caught it late. I now have very sore nipples. I can't decide why they're so sore - the culprits currently are: yeast, my teething toddler, or symptoms of successful ttc. While I remain neutral on if this round of ttc worked or not, I hate that it's already in my head. Most likely, it's from waking up this morning to Katie chewing on me instead of nursing. Her fifth tooth is almost fully in, and her sixth is just breaking through the gums.

What you'd think would be counter productive has actually helped me stay patient and calm. I enjoy baby names, themes, and nursery ideas.

Technically, I'm always thinking about baby names. Enough so that we have two boy names (first and middle for each) secured, and four girl names (though one has a little wiggle room as we can't decide, but I'd need two more girls to get to that one so I'm not concerned!) I even have twin names picked out if my body would be mean enough to throw that my way (I really hope for singletons every time! I am not one of these women who pine for multiples at all! But, I must be prepared for everything.)

Baby themes are mostly planned out. So far I have: (I'm going to list baby numbers instead of their names for now)

Katie's:
Color: pink
Princess: Belle
Animal: Turtle
Theme: Princess

Baby Girl #2:
Color: lilac - lavendar
Princess: Sleeping Beauty
Animal:
Theme: Cupcakes

Baby Girl #3:
Color: Peach
Princess: Cinderella
Animal:
Theme:

Baby Girl #4:
Color: Yellow
Princess: Snow White
Animal: Forest Friends
Theme:

Boy #1:
Color: Blue
Theme: Toy Story or Vintage Comic Book Heroes
Animal: Bears
Thomas the Train:

Boy #2:
Color: Green
Animal: Dragons
Theme: Puff the Magic Dragon/ Honalee
Thomas the Train:

I found this nursery today and love the idea: (found here: http://pinterest.com/pin/201606520789905222/)

Storage Containers:

Wall Mural:

Cy 7, CD 19

Unsure of what's going on currently.

I'm assuming I am now past O. I had a few signs, though it was hard to track, and I feel like its over. But, those months where I only O'ed in the third week of my cycle makes me feel like I can't be too sure about it.

My hormones seem imbalanced lately. Or maybe I'm just stressing out too much. I seem grumpy a lot this week for no real reason. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was overcome in annoyance with the sound of Sophie breathing. I couldn't stand it. I had to kick her out - for BREATHING!

We actually had a good week. Bill had the idea of getting Chinese food yesterday, then today I was dying for a Baconator and we got that too. We never, ever eat out two days in a row. We usually don't eat out twice in one week ever. It tasted amazing (though I hated them a few years ago) and yet I'm still grumpy today. Maybe it's the heat and the fact that I didn't sleep well. Or that Katie has yeast again thats very stubborn and Im struggling to get rid of it. In no way do I think it has anything to do with ttcing, as it would be way too soon for that change to have occured. I felt more relaxed about this cycle than most, as well.

Vacation is in almost four weeks. I'm sure that'll make me cheer up!

Cy7, CD17

I may be in my TWW.

I'm not counting it as a TWW really though, as we're continuing to BD for another week to make sure we hit every possible chance. I'm not going to guess that I have O'ed and now wait. I'm hoping if we hit every day, the TWW won't seem so unbearable. The worst thing about those two weeks are that it's now out of my hands and there's nothing more I can do to help my chances for this month - what's done is done. So instead of torturing myself with thinking it's over, I'm going to just continue.

I am hoping this is the month, but I realized today that I'm not actually expecting a BFP. I have all of my fingers and toes crossed for these next two months, I really want it to happen, we work at it daily, but I'm not actually expecting an end result. Probably because we've been doing this with high hopes since February and by now, it just seems like something we do every month, like a game. Next month, the game starts over, it doesn't ever really end. Even though we've done everything we can to try and get that BFP this month, I'll still be absolutely shocked if I actually get it. I'm not sure if it's just a defense to ward off disappointment to just expect nothing to happen, or if it's just a different mindset. I feel bad that I'm not more positive, but I'm not negative either. I'm feeling neutral. If I get a BFN, I'll still feel neutral, just like I've been feeling for a few months. TTC'ing has become a routine, a way of life, something I'm just used to doing each month. The lack of disappointment is nice, though I've noticed that baby fever creeps up on me more frequently now. Luckily it goes away and I slip back into neutral every few days so I'm not overwhelmed and frustrated. I'm being patient, something I've never been good at until now.

The closest I get to sadness is when I hear people I've been ttcing with for a while get a BFP. It should give me hope, it should make me feel like maybe I'm next, but instead I feel like I'm being left behind. This doesn't stick aroud though, and I'm able to brush it off pretty easily now. It doesn't happen as often either - almost all of my TTC friends have disappeared into the land of first and second trimesters. I tried to make more ttc buddies, but lost interest. I don't really want to hear about other's journies and see them succeed. I just don't want to think much about mine, let time slip by, and wait until AF is finally late for a good reason.

Cy7, CD15

I may, or may not, be O'ing today. I'm on day 15 now and while I think this MAY be it, I'm having a hard time telling the difference between O and BD. We've managed to stay on schedule with BD'ing, though our schedule seems to be doing it two days in a row, skip a day, two days in a row again. It just seems to happen that way, and as long as we hit yesterday and today (which we did), I think it'll be ok. We're going to continue to try and get it in every day this week though.

I've been wanting to get a pre-pregnancy picture for a while now, since I have very few pictures of me and even less of me alone to compare (I had wanted one for my last pregnancy and didn't have one). Today while Katie took her nap I finally got one, so here it is. Until I can remember to have Bill take a full length of me, here's the best I can do:

CY 7, CD 14

This is the start of an important week.  I'm CD14, which means sometime between then and this next week I should be O'ing. As nonchalant as we took the previous summer months, we're taking this cycle seriously. My plan is to be as stress free this week as possible and try to hit O from all sides, then cross my fingers!

I really want a BFP either this month or next month, and now that I have my cycle back, I'm really hoping this long term ttc comes to an end. I'm looking forward to my lone ovary stepping up to bat and bringing the baby that I've been praying for in church each Sunday into our lives.

Yesterday was the first day that I felt my cervix lowered and my CM change, so I'm thinking that I'll be O'ing in the next day or two.