For some reason, I didn't expect this to get harder. I think I managed to convince myself that I would be fine next month. I've healed so much, but I know I still have a long time to go. I don't think I'll ever really heal from it. But I thought doing special things on her due date to celebrate her very short life would help. Right now, I honestly dread her due date. Even though I'm so blessed with a new baby, I miss Elizabeth so much. Knowing that I should have been holding her in my arms next month just hurts so much. I cry every time I think her due date. It feels so fresh again. It was so hard to lose her, but it's also so hard to know that this is when I'd be nine months pregnant and ready to give birth to her. I'd be all packed for the hospital right now, I'd have everything washed and ready, everything would be set for our Elizabeth's arrival. Instead, she's not coming. We're no longer preparing for her. She already came months ago, long before she was ready. I know things happened how they were meant to be, but it still kills me to know that she's not coming anymore.
I really feel like I'm struggling with this again and somehow, it's unexpected. I thought I had managed to twist the day into something so positive and happy that it wouldn't hurt so badly. I can't trick myself apparently though, as I can't stop myself from crying every time I think about it.
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